Travel to know you, not to forget you
Nowadays, it is hard to find a person who won't say,"...and I love traveling". I am one of them. Some do it to tick-off bucket lists, to create a record of x countries visited, while some like exploring new places, food and culture, etc.
Having lived in Europe for 1.5 years now, I have gotten to travel a lot more here than I did while I was in India. After a while, you get exhausted with big European cities though; they start looking similar. Now I am always on the lookout for quaint old towns, the so-called hidden gems, of Europe. Of course, one never gets tired of Italy (for the food obviously).
But I digress.
My main reason to travel has always been to break from the monotony of corporate-life and to reinvigorate. Beautiful memories and explorations have always been a byproduct. However, in the last one and a half years of Euro-trotting, I got something else too.
After moving to Amsterdam in October of 2018, I got to travel to all these dreamlike places. I could go to any damn location in the Schengen region over the next long weekend. The whole of Europe has been my oyster.
But I felt fatigued and lost.
I would return home from a trip and go back to my normal self, but then again on the next holiday, that familiar feeling returned. If it were a trip with a group of friends, I would feel detached.
I found myself thinking- Why does it feel so strange? What is this emptiness?
Travelling does not make you forget your problems. You carry your anguish, indecisions, insecurities, anxiety, and all of that baggage wherever you go. I found that these problems magnified whenever I traveled. Indeed it made sense because, in my humdrum routine, my focus was majorly on my work. I ignored the inner goings of my mind that had been stripped of its comfort zone since the big move that I made 1.5 years ago.
Back in India, for over 5 years, I had been in the same job, in the same city, and around almost the same people. I was so comfortable. It was great but was it?
I reflected and introspected endlessly until I found the answer.
Traveling here had smacked me in the face with the reality of who I have become. It taught me the forgotten lesson that work is only a small part of life. Also, I had grown, developed preferences after all, and I knew better. It made me realize that I had been attracting so many wrong people in my life and have been quite blind to the opportunities to go to the ones who were so my type. I had been repeating those wrong patterns in friendships. Oh for those missed experiences!
Coming to the shallow things, I was sticking to clothes that were not my style anymore. I did not know anymore what sort of clothes made me happy. I was still wearing those bright lipsticks that did not appeal to me now. Wow, I had changed so much.
This hidden inner battle was like a cage to my mind, to my soul.
Having lived in Europe for 1.5 years now, I have gotten to travel a lot more here than I did while I was in India. After a while, you get exhausted with big European cities though; they start looking similar. Now I am always on the lookout for quaint old towns, the so-called hidden gems, of Europe. Of course, one never gets tired of Italy (for the food obviously).
But I digress.
My main reason to travel has always been to break from the monotony of corporate-life and to reinvigorate. Beautiful memories and explorations have always been a byproduct. However, in the last one and a half years of Euro-trotting, I got something else too.
After moving to Amsterdam in October of 2018, I got to travel to all these dreamlike places. I could go to any damn location in the Schengen region over the next long weekend. The whole of Europe has been my oyster.
But I felt fatigued and lost.
I would return home from a trip and go back to my normal self, but then again on the next holiday, that familiar feeling returned. If it were a trip with a group of friends, I would feel detached.
I found myself thinking- Why does it feel so strange? What is this emptiness?
Travelling does not make you forget your problems. You carry your anguish, indecisions, insecurities, anxiety, and all of that baggage wherever you go. I found that these problems magnified whenever I traveled. Indeed it made sense because, in my humdrum routine, my focus was majorly on my work. I ignored the inner goings of my mind that had been stripped of its comfort zone since the big move that I made 1.5 years ago.
Back in India, for over 5 years, I had been in the same job, in the same city, and around almost the same people. I was so comfortable. It was great but was it?
I reflected and introspected endlessly until I found the answer.
Traveling here had smacked me in the face with the reality of who I have become. It taught me the forgotten lesson that work is only a small part of life. Also, I had grown, developed preferences after all, and I knew better. It made me realize that I had been attracting so many wrong people in my life and have been quite blind to the opportunities to go to the ones who were so my type. I had been repeating those wrong patterns in friendships. Oh for those missed experiences!
Coming to the shallow things, I was sticking to clothes that were not my style anymore. I did not know anymore what sort of clothes made me happy. I was still wearing those bright lipsticks that did not appeal to me now. Wow, I had changed so much.
This hidden inner battle was like a cage to my mind, to my soul.
I was with people but not really.
Traveling has been a mirror.
The reflection that I saw, I did not recognize.
It is funny for it was just me.
It is also fascinating
Because isn't keeping in touch with ourselves the quest of life.
We forget ourselves when we first love.
We forget ourselves when we marry.
We forget ourselves when we bear children.
Tunnel, my friend,
Travel often.
Ain't easy but
Ain't easy but
Stay in touch with that most indispensable person,
You.
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